For much of my early life, the words good, evil, and Satan carried enormous weight. They were not abstract ideas. They were forces. Real. Immediate. Dangerous. I grew up Seventh-day Adventist, and in that world Satan wasn’t symbolic. He was active. He could infiltrate objects, influence thoughts, possess people through the wrong book or ritual.
Fear wasn’t philosophical — it was visceral.
As an adult, that fear dissolved — not through rebellion, but through experience. I once stood in a bookstore and read The Satanic Bible. I didn’t dare bring it home. Nothing happened. No possession. No cosmic punishment. That quiet moment dismantled something foundational. The fear circuitry collapsed.
What replaced it wasn’t darkness. It was sovereignty.
That moment began a long internal reconstruction — redefining terms that once governed me.
Redefining Good and Evil
Here is where I’ve landed:
Good: creative energy directed toward lifting up, building, improving, beautifying, restoring.
Evil: creative energy directed toward harming, diminishing, dominating, exploiting, or destroying.
Not cosmic armies. Directions.
Creativity itself is neutral. It is raw power. It becomes constructive or destructive depending on intention and execution.
Love is open-hearted expansion.
Hate is closed-hearted contraction.
“Satanic,” in this framework, is not theological. It is creative energy weaponized toward destruction rather than growth.
The same mind can build or burn.
That is the uncomfortable truth.
Recognizing My Own Shadow
Over the 18 months, I have had to confront something difficult: I have used my creative energy destructively.
When I feel wronged, I can read ego weaknesses quickly. Micro-expressions. Tone shifts. Defensiveness. I see the opening. And when I choose to, I can strike with precision.
That precision requires creativity — sometimes more than building something positive does. Strategic communication designed to land hard is not accidental. It is crafted.
But here is what I learned: destruction drains.
Creative energy used to build multiplies. Creative energy used to destroy consumes itself. It draws from deeper reserves — from what I think of as central trust. Constructive work makes deposits. Destructive work makes withdrawals.
Both actions echo outward. Both have consequences. But they carry very different energetic returns.
At a certain point, I knew I needed to stop. Not because I was incapable of continuing, but because I could feel the depletion. The cost.
That awareness matters.
Programming and Pattern Recognition
Part of my strong reactions to certain business dynamics stem from early experiences where power, charisma, and ambition intersected in destabilizing ways. When you learn early that proximity to influence can come with manipulation, blurred boundaries, and betrayal, you internalize a pattern:
Letting people in can carry risk.
Social proximity can be leveraged.
Creative people can be exploited.
Those imprints shape future reactions. They don’t excuse behavior, but they explain intensity.
When someone suggests more social integration for strategic gain, I do not experience it as neutral networking. I experience it as potential vulnerability. That reaction has roots. Recognizing those roots is part of maturing beyond them.
Lone Wolf or Selective Operator?
I have often wondered about my own profile.
I am not socially dependent. I do not seek broad approval. I prefer depth over breadth. Authenticity over performance. Mutual respect over strategic bonding.
In certain communities — particularly in places like Bozeman — this wiring fits naturally. People are independent but kind. Friendly but not invasive. Capable of deep mutual aid without superficial social entanglement.
It is possible to be socially light but relationally sincere.
Selective does not mean antisocial.
Independent does not mean isolated.
High Creatives and Direction
High creatives — individuals with intense emotional wiring and fast pattern recognition — can channel energy in radically different directions.
They feel deeply. They see quickly. They build narratives easily. They can inspire or intimidate. They can construct movements or dismantle them.
The difference lies in direction.
When wounded, high creatives can become precision weapons. When centered, they become builders. The circuitry is the same. The vector changes.
My work now is not to deny the capacity for precision or force. It is to direct it toward construction rather than combustion.
Justice, Not Revenge
There is another layer to this reflection: the role of lawful accountability.
There are situations where wrong has been done — not imagined wrong, but documented actions taken with malice or greed. When individuals actively seek to harm, exploit, or trespass for gain, there are legal systems designed to address that behavior.
Those systems exist for a reason.
Pursuing court proceedings is not inherently destructive. It depends on motive.
If driven by revenge, it drains.
If driven by ego, it corrodes.
If driven by obsession, it destabilizes.
But if driven by a desire for justice — for the righting of wrong — it can be clarifying.
There are legal remedies available to me. I intend to pursue them. Not from rage. Not from revenge. Not from a desire to destroy anyone. But from a grounded sense that actions have consequences and systems exist to address those consequences.
Those who trespass with malice and greed in pursuit of money may need to learn lessons. Whether that lesson comes through legal consequence or through other means is not entirely within my control.
If accountability is required, I will participate in it lawfully and deliberately.
Not now. Not impulsively. In my own time. When it is steady, not heated.
Faith and Humility
I was raised in a tradition that framed justice in cosmic terms. Today, my view is simpler.
I do not see myself as an avenger. I do not see myself as an instrument of wrath. I see myself as responsible only for the next right action.
If there is a larger order to events, it does not require theatrical heroics from me. It requires humility. If I am used for any purpose, it will not be because I forced the role. It will be because I acted faithfully in small steps.
My responsibility is not to orchestrate cosmic justice. My responsibility is to do the next best thing.
Calmly. Lawfully. With integrity.
Direction Is Everything
Good and evil, in my current understanding, are not supernatural adversaries battling in the sky like Sky Pixies. A term one of my ‘in the dark night’ business partners uses to denigrate everyone and anyone‘s belief in God or any higher power ⭕️ 4 all that it matters in this only a silly material 🌎.
They are vectors inside a single human nervous system 💘.
Creative energy can build or burn.
Justice can heal or harden.
Strength can protect or dominate.
The question is not whether we have power.
The question is where we aim it 🏹.
Right now, I am in a season of laying tracks. Researching my own psychology. Reexamining inherited belief systems. Clarifying definitions. Observing my impulses rather than immediately acting on them.
The wild is not something to conquer. It is something to understand — both in nature and in ourselves.
The task is simple, though not easy:
Choose construction over destruction.
Choose justice over revenge.
Choose humility over ego.
Choose the next best thing.
Direction is everything.
